


Bachelors

by MiniNephthys



Category: Fate/stay night (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-28
Updated: 2011-11-28
Packaged: 2017-10-26 15:35:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/284923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiniNephthys/pseuds/MiniNephthys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Issei needs help finding a man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bachelors

"Most respected sister." Issei bows his head.

Caster raises an eyebrow. "So, what do you want from me?"

"I d- I need your help," he admits, knowing that his skill at lying is nonexistent. "I... I want to find a man."

"Oho?" Now she smiles, in a way that would worry anyone with self-preservation, including Issei. "Let me see what I can do."

"Thank you." He already regrets asking, but it's too late.

An hour later, Caster has a collection of scrying artifacts, oracles, and the occasional magic eight-ball arranged in her room. Issei sits nervously in the center of the room as Caster returns from pulling the last tool out from who knows where and sits across from her.

"So, before we begin. Let's eliminate the men you already know without resorting to magical means. I assume you don't want my help in making Emiya Shirou more available?" Caster asks with a wicked smile.

Issei sighs. "I have no interest in making my best friend unhappy by breaking him up, and I respect Matou Sakura. Even then he wouldn't have a desire to date me. So no, I don't want that."

"And similarly, I assume Matou Shinji is not an option," she continues.

"...I can't believe you would have to _say_ that. I feel dirty just thinking about it." He shivers. "Next, please."

"Archer is-?"

"Out for the same reasons as Emiya. I hate Tohsaka, but the war between us will be conducted with dignity and not by low blows such as stealing her Servant."

Caster nods. Even she doesn't want to anger Rin if she can help it, it seems. "What about the temple's Assassin?"

"Hm? He's nice and all, and conveniently located, but..." A sigh. "Is it selfish of me to want someone I can take on dates? Bring to picnic by the riverside, and everything I'd like to do with a boyfriend?"

"Perhaps a little selfish," she answers, "but I can work with that. Don't you know a Mitsuzuri Minori?"

"Mitsuzuri Ayako and I have a standing agreement that I am not to date her little brother," he says with a shrug. "I don't see why it was necessary to create, but I'll honor it."

Caster thinks about how protective Issei can get and decides not to comment. "That leaves us with Lancer and Gilgamesh out of the people you know."

"...Isn't Gilgamesh a child?" Issei asks, with a wary expression. "I'm not interested in him..."

"He's really much older than he's currently pretending to be." With a quick spell, an image of Gilgamesh appears between them. "This is his real age."

Issei studies the picture carefully. "And - personality. What does he act like at his real age?"

After a beat, Caster dispels the image. "That leaves us with Lancer."

"O...kay. Lancer is-" Fond of teasing him, aggravating, someone who makes his heart speed up when he's there from perfectly normal reasons that have nothing to do with romance. His grin is too contagious and his hair is too pretty. "-someone I'd agree to."

Caster blinks at that, then smiles. "Would you? Excellent. Let us go see Caren immediately."

"C-Caren?!" he squeaks with a frantic 'no, no' gesture for emphasis. "Why her?! I don't want to date _her_!"

"Think of it as asking someone's parents for permission to court their son," she explains, grabbing Issei's arm and dragging him out the door. "It's traditional."

Issei whimpers. "She's going to kill me, I'm going to die..."

"Oh, don't worry," Caster replies. "It will probably be much worse than that."

"Why did I let you help me...?"


End file.
